View Full Version : The Misadventures of Archer Bro(nze)

06-28-2015, 05:55 PM
Well, I wrote this on 4chan in a stroke of creativity at some anon's wonderings about what the sex lives of the other males of the kingdom are like. This is the result:

>Be bronze archer in the Prince's army.
>Deployed in royal road for extra ranged support.
>I'm right next to Daniela.
>Oh jeez, she's so hot.
>Look at those tits, and how she dresses.
>She smiles at me and tells me to do my best effort.
>"Y-you too."
>Battle continues, we win with three stars.
>I think I'm going to say something to Daniela.
>"Hey, Dan-"
>The Prince appears from behind her, slapping her ass and putting his arm around her shoulder as she blushes and bites her lip.
>"Hey, good job there with the bow, soldier. I'll level you up a bit later for the male only missions."
>They walk off.
>Oh well, maybe I'll say something to Alyssa over the-
>Oh wait, he just picked her up as well.
>Cloris is at the other side, maybe- nope, the Prince just picked her up as well.
>...guess it's playing cards with Conrad tonight as well.

>Be bronze archer in the Prince's army.
>Card's night with Conrad again.
>We all gather at the inn every week and bet our gold.
>Conrad always wins the most because no one dares to beat him for fear of him or his daughter.
>Except the Prince, of course.
>Middle of the night, I'm actually doing fairly well, doubled my salary while keeping away from Conrad's gold.
>Katie and Aria cross through the tavern.
>Conrad beckons to them to join with his thunderous voice.
>"Sorry boys, the Prince called us and said it was urgent."
>Oh god I know where this is going.
>They walk upstairs.
>Soon enough, we start hearing some creaking coming from the floor above us.
>Awkward silence.
>Aria's voice coming from above breaks it.
>"Oh yes! Oh yes! Yes, my prince, spank this naughty soldier! I've been so bad, masturbating so much when you weren't around to please me!"
>We're all just staring at our cards without actually playing.
>Some dust is falling down from the ceiling on my hand.
>Conrad says it's good to know the Prince is so lively and laughs awkwardly.
>An entire hour later, Katie and Aria come down again, their hair messed up and parts of their clothes ripped.
>"The Prince asked for your daughter, Conrad."
>They leave.
>Conrad is crying.

>Be bronze archer in the Prince's army.
>The soldiers are training in front of the castle.
>We archers have the day free, so I go make small talk with them.
>Talk a bit with Phyllis, she's always looked kind of wierd to me but she seems good hearted.
>She's actually pretty nice, even if she's very dedicated to training.
>Oh shit, the Prince is coming straight towards her.
>He hands her a fucking ruby.
>Everyone around looks away, Katie and Aria are staring and grinning.
>Here we go again, I just can't fucking compe-
>Wait, she just took her sword up?
>Holy shit she's attacking him.
>What the fuck man, that's the Prince Phyllis what are you doing.
>The rest of the soldiers have gathered around, and are at a loss of words.
>The Prince manages to beat her (of course).
>Phyllis compliments him, tells him his swordsmanship is impecable.
>He's kind of confused but returns the compliment.
>Fuck it, I start cheering.
>Everyone applauds Phyllis for the amazing match she just gave.

>A week later.
>Phyllis has become quite popular for being the first girl that resists the Prince's charms.
>Half the castle has tried to hit on her, but she remains impasive.
>She just got CC'd today, so I decide to go to her room to congratulate her.
>I approach her door.
>There's a fuckton of flowers forming a way up to it.
>Oh god please no.
>Open door.
>The Prince is right there, on the other side.
>We stare at each other for a moment.
>I close the door.
>I hear Phyllis from inside saying "Who was that?".
>I wonder if Conrad's playing today.

>Be bronze archer in the Prince's army.
>Hanging out with my best friend Russell.
>Turns out he's become fond of Dina, kinda like a little sister to him.
>She's really impressive, possibly the best heavy infantry in the army despite her size and age.
>As we're talking, we spot the Prince and Dina walking together.
>Wait, don't tell me... no, no, that's impossible, the Prince wouldn't take advantage of a little girl like that.
>Oh, he's just buying her ice cream, how nice of him.
>They head back to the castle.
>It's getting kind of cold, so I say my farewells to Russell and head back inside as well.
>Passing through the heavy armor's barracks on my way to my room.
>...wait, that noise sounds familiar.
>I get close to the door where it comes from.
>Oh god what the fuck those moans are from Dina.
>Are you kidding me Prince you sick fuck that's illegal.
>The moans have stopped.
>The Prince walks out, doesn't actually see me.
>Dina walks out as well, satisfied expression on her face.
>Aigis, please tell me that thing on her hair is ice cream.
>She spots me and blushes like crazy.
>I freak out right there, what the hell happened, the Prince is a pedo, is she hurt?
>She stares at me like I just killed a puppy.
>"How old do you think I am?"
>"Huh, like, 9 or 10 years old?"
>She sighs and pulls out her ID.
>She's 27.
>What the fuck.
>She's even got a degree on art history.

>Next day I'm hanging out with Russell.
>Not sure if I should tell him that he's actually the little brother.
>Not sure if I should tell him his "sister" is getting banged by the Prince as well.

06-28-2015, 06:02 PM
5 Stars for the work! I'm wondering though, which Bronze Archer is Archer Bro? Or is he just a nameless mook who's at Bronze level?

06-28-2015, 06:09 PM
I'm going to say Ars. He looks to me like the kind of guy who would be involved in those shenanigans.

06-28-2015, 06:29 PM
This was brilliant! I giggled. I giggled a lot! More please :D

06-29-2015, 05:11 PM
Oh Kotono, if there is issue with the language in this post, yell and I'll edit it.

>Be bronze archer in the Prince's army.
>Hunt for some meat, bring it back to barracks for cooking.
>Wonder why the only cook in this army is Mortimer when the majority of members are women.
>Grumble about Prince's latest antics with other like-minded men.
>Lean back on bench and touch a damp spot.
>Conrad: "That smells of woman. Who had sex here?"
>Awkward silence. Everyone's thinking the same thing: 'who else?'
>Attempt to take everyone's mind off by mentioning tomorrow's activities.
>Mortimer: "We're gonna drag that lad away from all his pussy and party up!"

>One boat trip and a manly brawl later, get a pile of booze drops.
>Prince brings out his secret stash of Millennium Wine.
>Only silvers and above are invited to drink.
>Crash in bed early, none of the other Irons and Bronzes wanted to hold a consolation party.
>Next evening, continue the grumbling from last time.
>Mortimer: "I won't allow you to diss the Prince! That man is alright."
>What happened at that party?

>Be bronze archer in the Prince's army.
>Deployed in toxic swamp today, next to new recruit: Spica.
>It's her first mission in this army.
>Don't get hopes up, you know the inevitable future.
>Shoot down gargoyles and such, at least this is enjoyable.
>Spica having a hard time with her frail constitution.
>Prince doesn't even show up for this mission: "there's nowhere for me to stand"
>Be a sympathetic ear to Spica badmouthing Prince for sending them out here.
>Spica just shot down a dragon. It dropped a diamond as it died.
>Cough cough, can't take these toxic fumes anymore, where are the healers?
>Just before going unconscious, get relieved to make room for a healer.

>Back at the barracks, you wake up to see Christopher tending to your health.
>Couldn't it have been Alyssa or Dorca at least?
>Thank him for his work and ask what happened to Spica.
>Christopher: "In her room, being attended to."
>The way he said it already gives bad vibes.
>Sure enough, there's a trail of flowers near her room. You can still smell the swamp's acrid fumes on them.
>Prince comes out of the room, you hide.
>A while later, Spica comes out too. You ask her how she feels.
>She's gushing in a very roundabout way that the Prince may not be as bad as she first thought.
>Special mention for the diamond he just gifted her.
>Isn't that the same diamond that dropped from her own kill?

06-29-2015, 11:11 PM
Pretty good. You may want to put the little greater than sign (>) before each paragraph to keep the tradition though.

06-30-2015, 01:40 PM
Anon who made the Mehlis one, reporting.
Posting with some slight adjustments.

>Be bronze archer in the Prince's army.
>Finally get to know this new mage girl, Mehlis.
>Barbastroff is so proud of her, how fast she is learning under his wing.
>She's easy to hang with.
>Although she doesnt stop talking when the topic of magic comes into play.
>If anything I find that charming.
>Be talking to her on a day off during lunch
>"Oh well, time for todays lesson". she says.
>She seems awfully happy about it
>I bid her goodbye and go to do something around the castle.
>Walk around a bit and come across Barbastroff.
>"Oh hey, lesson done already?"
>He just raises an eyebrow.
>Awkward silence follows.
>Until a familiar giggle comes across the hallway.
>Its Mehlis and the Prince.
>They are just chatting and ha-
>"Oh for fuck's sake...."
>His hand is on her butt.
>Not only 'on her butt'.
>He's rubbing heartily.
>Barbastroff just sighs HEAVILY.
>He mumbles something along the lines of "too old for her, what's he thinking?"
>The droop on his normally proud stance was noticeable.
>They are walking towards the Prince's private barracks.
>More awkward silence.
>"So... do you play cards?"

07-04-2015, 02:29 PM
Time for a different protagonist.

>Be IRON SOLDIER in Prince's Army.
>Not long ago, used to be a farmer's son in middle of nowhere.
>Goddess Aigis personally appeared in front of you.
>As you prostrate in worship, gives you a job offer.
>"Join the army that's fighting off the monster invasion! Oh and 70% of its members are beautiful women."
>Sign up without a second thought.

>Learn quickly that those "70% of members" are only interested in Prince.
>Feel down, couldn't you get close to just one girl?
>Hear rumour in mens' barracks of a mission where Prince has sworn not to touch the rescued maidens.
>Volunteer for it at earliest opportunity.
>"What I lack in skill, I'll make up for in spirit!"
>Find yourself in a toxic swamp, facing a pack of rabid wolves fast closing in.
>Anything to save a girl Prince won't touch.
>Thanks to bronze archer bros and Christopher, you survive the onslaught.
>Now where are these grateful girls?
>"Thanks for rescuing me! I'll work hard to get you lots of experience!"
>Wait... she's smaller than your fist.
>Blab your thoughts aloud while in a daze.
>"You wanted sexual experience? I can do that too. Want now?"
>You will not sink that low. It hurts, but you will not sink that low.
>Bronze bro puts a hand on your shoulder.
>"Welcome to Prince's army!"
>What a hazing.

07-09-2015, 12:28 AM
Might as well post this here.

Part 1
>Be Bronze Archer in the Prince's army
>It's the weekly game night
>Conrad's out on business
>Something about a new contraption he wanted to try out
>Playing cards with the other Bronzes for now
>All of us just ignoring the thumping and shaking from upstairs
>We definitely didn't hear any moans
>Suddenly, one of us speaks up
>It's Bergan, our signature Bronze Bandit
>The guy's popular with the woman of the villages we pass through despite being a bandit
>You can even say it's because he's a bandit
>His good looks go without saying
>Of course, most of us Bronzes are popular with girls outside the army
>It's just that they can't compare with the ones in it
>"How about a panty raid?"
>The idea's so random we just stare in shock
>He quickly explains
>"Since the Prince is usually banging the girls every weekend..."
>Bronze Soldier Hector looks like he's about to cry
>"They're likely to not be in their barracks"
>Looks of understanding start to appear
>No girls in their barracks means no people in their barracks
>No people in the girls' barracks mean we can get in easily and take a few pieces of underwear here and there
>We'd have to be fast of course
>As the rest of us showed interest we discussed our plans
>It was decided that we would go the next weekend, as it was the first of the next month
>The next few days passed with us secretly making moves
>A few cloth bags from the storage place
>Some clean rags from the kitchen
>The day of judgement finally came
Part 2
>All the Bronzes were here
>Of particular note were Bergan, Roy, and fellow archer Wilfred
>Bergan as the leader, Roy as the magic user, Wilfred as the stealth expert
>Wilfred had scouted a bit earlier and noticed the girls had gone for a "girls' night" at the nearby town
>That gave us a few hours to work with
>Roy activated a spell that he learned from our resident trickster, Calliope
>Said it would make us invisible
>We wanted to question it but remembered a certain incident
>The Irons had heard the moans of a woman being fucked in the mess hall
>However, no such woman was to be found
>Of course
>It had to be her and the Prince
>Silently cursing the luck of that bastard, we were all turned invisible by Roy
>We brazenly walked through the front entrance
>We were invisible
>Though we could see each other
>After a brief discussion about when to meet back, we split up
>I headed over to the room belonging to Daniela
>What the fuck
>They really are fucking huge
>The bra had to be close to 100
>And her boobs still couldn't completely fit in it
>Headed to a couple other rooms
Part 3
>Next thing I knew, all the Bronzes ended up gathered in front of one door
>It belonged to Soma
>There was hesitation
>After all, it's Soma, one of the army's top idols
>That, and there were noises coming from behind the door
>A look was shared
>We're invisible right?
>I volunteered and slowly opened the door
>It's Soma
>She's fucking someone
>Do you even have to ask?
>Of course it's the Prince
>Soma doesn't seem to notice the door opening
>But the Prince does
>He stares right at me
>Can he see me?
>That's impossible
>I checked a mirror and couldn't see anything
>Yet he's staring directly into my eyes
>Then I remember the incident in the mess hall with the Irons
>Of course he'd know about the invisibility spell
>I'm starting to sweat
>What do I do?
>The Prince stares a bit longer, then procedes to fuck Soma harder
>A loud slapping noise echoes in the room
>At the same time, the Prince slightly points his chin in the direction of Soma's drawer
>The message is clear
>Go ahead, I'll distract her
>Tears well up in my eyes
>The Prince truly is a good person
>Of course, it's probably because he get some whenever he wants
>I hurriedly raid Soma's drawer and rush out the room, closing the door softly
>The others all sigh in relief before splitting up again
>An hour or so later, we're back at the meeting place
>The effect of the invisibility spell has faded
>The girls still haven't returned so we decide to head out the same way we came
>Right before we open the door Bergan pales in front of the window
>It's the girls
>We all duck below the windows in fright
>We're doomed
>We'll probably get tortured for this
>Girls can be cruel when pissed
>Even more so if it's Fedora
Part 4
>Then our savior appears
>It's the Prince
>Soma's not with him so she's probably sleeping
>He walks right past us and out the door
>As he heads towards the girls he sends us a quick glance before shouting a message to the girls
>"Follow me for some fun and I'll double this month's pay!"
>The girls excitedly follow him as he heads in a direction away from the barracks
>All of us Bronzes are crying manly tears
>The Prince has showed us that he is a true brother to his men
>That doesn't change the fact that he's a lucky bastard though
>We stand up and brazenly walk out the front door, promising to remember this moment in our hearts
>Standing outside is that new Iron Soldier
>His eyes are wide, mouth open, and he just dropped his training sword
>We make a mad rush to grab him and knock him out before he can scream
>Later, we all ended up having to give him a portion of our month's pay and some of the panties to silence him
>Despite being a country hick, he's surprisingly devious
>It was fucking worth it though

07-09-2015, 05:04 PM
Might as well post this here.
It's a polishable draft - a piece of writing that's worth iterating over. But it won't deliver lulz and /jp/ expects every one of these stories to deliver lulz. I think it's still worth writing more in this series to continue exploring. But perhaps /jp/ can be spared the 'betrayal of expectations' as it's hard to find a joke from this source anymore.

And yes, too long. It's clear this is a draft that was not edited afterwards - lots of unnecessary detail to trim down.

08-14-2015, 01:29 AM
...And now after reading some of these my brain fixates on the poor soldier on the side who is pretty much never gonna get any action....fffff...this is why I don't keep guys in my party anymore other than old geezers and dudes I plan to burn for exp, because I actually think about this stuff unintentionally and it just digs into my head and festers until I can't bear to look at any of it...augh...

Great...can't use any of the scenes as "relief" material anymore because the sob story kicks in instead...had this problem with Dark Blue the Hentai OVA as well because I kept imagining it from the perspective of the guy who dies...ffff...

Admittedly I think it would be cool in Aigis if like Fire Emblem you could build relationships between the characters and let them go at each other so you could nurture...meaningful moments between a guy and girl in your army...or 2 girls...or 2 guys...or just have at an orgy-fest for fun...possibilities are limitless...

...but if that feature were around, you wouldn't get to be the "Do 'em all" protagonist though so I guess you gotta stick it to all the girls and intoxicate the guys' frustrations away instead.

...damn...literally daydreaming a story of a soldier being heartbroken...really can't use Aigis for "relief" material anymore...

10-02-2015, 06:28 AM
but still, I have to say, it was rather hilarious, and I got a good laugh. even though it's sad for the guys, we're playing as the prince after all.

06-06-2016, 05:00 PM

09-09-2016, 04:43 AM
Gets merged into Spica for EXP. Only action he'll ever get.

Dont want to think about Stray :D

04-26-2017, 04:08 PM
anyone else missing this thread ?

Tomthe Bomb
04-13-2023, 08:05 PM
Good job, this story is rather old and you don't seem to have followed it up with the further adventures of bronze. Your writing style is good but it would of course be helpful to add artwork if that is possible. You have inspired me and I will take a hand at writing a story.