Quote Originally Posted by Xcellion View Post
Might as well post this here.
It's a polishable draft - a piece of writing that's worth iterating over. But it won't deliver lulz and /jp/ expects every one of these stories to deliver lulz. I think it's still worth writing more in this series to continue exploring. But perhaps /jp/ can be spared the 'betrayal of expectations' as it's hard to find a joke from this source anymore.

And yes, too long. It's clear this is a draft that was not edited afterwards - lots of unnecessary detail to trim down.